Pity sex with a friend who confessed his love for me...so what now?
Posted February 5th, 2010 by bby91
I've been friends with this guy for 5 years. We drifted apart when we went to highschool but still spoke and hung out on and off. Just recently we started hanging out again, mostly in a group situation with his friends. I like his friends and we all like hanging out. But then he went and confessed his love for me and how he's always cared about me and how he wanted us to be together. He is the sweetest guy and I know he would treat me like gold, but I'm just not physically attracted to him. He's not attractive at ALL. I've only ever seen him as a good friend. He's going through alot of shit right now in life and he told me he was so happy I came back into his life and how I make him happy...this absolutely broke my heart. I wish I felt the same way about him. Oh ya and I know I'm gunna get shit for this...I had sex with him...pity sex (this was the next morning after he told me). I just want him to be happy and I do really care about him, it's just all my friends and even my mother will tell me to get some standards. What should I do? I want to be his friend still, he keeps asking me when we're all going to hang out again? I WISH I NEVER SLEPT WITH HIM...am I in way to deep to be friends with him normally again? Maybe I can look past his looks the more we chill? I dunno...
Answers
Shy said:
The same happened with me, and I feel trapped but I can't let him go. I pity him so much. I don't know if this is love,if yes, then why am I not too hurt at the thought of leaving him, except that I don't want to hurt anybody!
bluntman_exe said:
I could state the obvious and say sleeping with him wasn't a good idea. But I think a more useful thing to say is the best thing you can do is be honest with him. I realise that to do that you need too be prepared for the worst. Just remember you're not doing him any favours allowing him to think he still has a chance with you when you clearly only want to be friends. Just think of it as if you were going to remove a splinter for him, in that it can be a painful process to start with but not as painful as trying to live with it. I can't garantee he'll still wanna be friends after you tell him it was only pity sex but maybe one day he'll come to see it as the kind gesture it appears to be.
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