My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We are both virgins, and when we started dating we agreed we would wait to have sex until we got married. I love him very much and I respect his decision to wait... but I don't want to wait anymore!
Comments
Shy said:
As soon as you guys started dating you were talking about marriage, been together 4 years, and you guys are both still virgins? Jesus how old are you guys? 16?
Shy said:
What? Are you saying that in order to be a virgin after 4 years together you must be THAT young?
Shy said:
Tell him straight up what you want.
If he decides not to have sex with you, he's either gay, a born-again Christian wimp, or both.
Dump him and go get you a REAL man!
Life's too short to wait any longer, dear.
crikey said:
i respect y'all! i hope you are adult-age now and know what and who you want. if he's ready to take a next step (maybe get a promise ring or the real thing), then a foray into the sheets might be more ok for him
Jennuna said:
don't be dissin christians the try and those people that ack all snotty cause they think they're better are not doing what God wants them to do, He put us here to love people and help them. They are doing the opposite. I am all for other religions but Realy!
Im not gonna fight with you Im sorry if i offend you but that is not very nice
Oh she should get a new man if he doesnt
waiting said:
No, we're not 16. We're 25... are we the only people our age not having sex? Anyway... yes, we know we want to be with each other and it's not all about religion. I think he's afraid to disappoint his parents - they are religious and would not approve of him having sex and/or living with me before marriage.
Shy said:
that shit sucks!
have sex with him! is all about love :)
their parents don't need to know -.-'
sex is good, and when you do it with someone you love, is AMAZING!
sex isn't a bad thing, you don't have to make it a big deal, just do it! LOL
an0n said:
While sex is fantastic, and sex while in love is even better, you should not assume such a crass idea that it is "no big deal". The very fact that it is SO amazing makes it a pretty big deal. The fact that you can become pregnant even while using "protection" (rare, but possible) makes it an even bigger deal. And if you REALLY don't think it is such a big deal, why don't you talk to someone who has contracted a venereal disease, because they didn't think it was that big of deal to sleep with someone they didn't know well enough!
Those are only the physical repercussions of having a sexual relationship. The next thing that makes sex such a "big deal" is the emotional repercussions. If not properly executed, sex can leave a woman unfulfilled, or a man feeling inadequate. Even if executed properly, individuals can experience guilt and regret. Just because you may not think it is a big deal, does not mean it is not a big deal.
Sex is truly an act of love, and if you really want to enjoy it, both parties involved must be into it. If one person has hang-ups, like personal beliefs, parental issues, or even their own self-consciousness, what could have been a wonderful experience may end up ruined.
Having said all that, there is much to consider when contemplating a sexual relationship, but at the same time, ultimately we all have a very animalistic side. Somewhere, deep down in the recesses of our brain is the sexual beast ready to spring forth and consummate your union. When those desires surface, act on them by talking about them and possibly even trying to (carefully) lure your man in, encouraging him towards his own sexual desires. Let your passion be a beacon to him, to let go of his fears and join you in union.
Marriage should definitely NOT be solely for sex, but if you really love each other, than what difference does marriage make? Why do people really get so hung up on marriage? If you're not willing to commit yourself to another person, than how is it you feel you love them enough to give them your most intimate secrets? Sex has become far too casual (as has marriage) in our society. I'm no prude, by any means, but sex whether for procreation, or for pleasure, is something special that two people share that will always be there and should not be taken lightly.
Again, I applaud your efforts to remain chaste until marriage. It is a noble and honorable thing to do.
Shy said:
alright. i dated by boyfriend for a year. we were 19. I was a virgin, he wasn't. I'm a Christian, and knew that I should save sex for marriage. I ended up sleeping with him after many talks. Regardless of your religion, you need to think long and hard about what you really want. If you are iffy about it, don't do it. You can never take it back. Personally, I wouldn't take back what I did. We aren't dating anymore, but I don't regret it. The biggest question is, if you don't get married, will you be okay with it? and if you're 25.. why don't you just get engaged. You're at the perfect time to get married, and you have been dating for 4 yrs. Get engaged, get married, have sex, have no remorse.
Shy said:
Get married!
an0n said:
The previous response is the only response on here that seems to be respectful and/or helpful. There is nothing wrong with waiting to have sex. Religious or not, if you want to wait, I think that is awesome. Our society has too readily accepted the mantra "if it feels good, do it." Not all things that feel good should be done. Some people say that if you don't get a few notches on your belt before you get married that you won't be able to please your spouse, or won't know if you will "enjoy" one another. If you both are really in love, really willing to be patient, and open, and fully communicate your wants and desires, then there should be nothing to stop you from consummating a night full of bliss on your wedding night. On the other hand, if the only reason he is waiting is because he doesn't want to disappoint his parents, he may want to think twice. Marriage is about the joining of two into one, and their complete separation from their own families into that one new family. Any decisions towards that relationship should not be based on ANYTHING other than those involved in it. No parents, no friends, not anyone else. His decisions and opinions and beliefs should be focused on pleasing you, as yours should be toward pleasing him. Trying to please friends or family outside of the marriage relationship (even prior to marriage) is typically bound for failed expectations and big problems. In any regard, I wish you both the best of luck, and that you both stay true to yourselves and to each other.
JenJen said:
Just tell him how you feel
All that can happen is 1- you get married or 2- he feels the same!
No you are not the only people your age not having sex, google it
Shy said:
people are different but people are unique. It doesnt matter what others are doing, its all about you and how you feel. Love is wonderfull, anticipation a blessing, and when the time is right for both of you (married or not) it will happen. Just remember, there is someone closer to you that you can discuss it with, other than faraway internet users. Ask him...
AnonymouslyHidden said:
I wish it were the case with me that I were just WAITING... but the person I am with doesn't want ANY physical interaction in the future, at all EVER... found that out 2 weeks or so ago... after we had already "explored", he suddenly said he liked it but didn't want to do it anymore... in fact, hugging is about as much as he wants...
NOW, to your situation specifically... Would he be willing to go at least half-way? Maybe "explore" or a little foreplay just no actual intercourse or does he not want to do anything even slightly sexually related until after marriage? You guys definitely need to talk about this... whatever the case.
Shy said:
the worst thing that you can do is marry to have sex with him
you are only 25 in my opinion it's to soon to marry, both of you have so much to live :|
and don't forget this: IT'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX! we are here to do it. so don't be afraid. and talk to him.
Shy said:
Look at what the bible says about waiting for marriage. God warns us that we must not be involved in immoral sexual acts, because it is sin. 1Corinthians 6:18 says, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body."
Sex is meant to be shared between two who are married. In Song of Songs it talks about not waking love before it's time. And a sexual realtionship is suppose to be sacred for marriage so by having sex before marriage you are starting something before it's time.
And if you really love him, you would wait for him because you love him.
This all isn't about being religious...it's about what is actually truth and true act of love.
Shy said:
Not having sex can be a good thing. If you both agreed to wait until you are married, then I believe that is what you should do. I think you could try and walk a mile in his shoes and try and think about how you would feel if you still wanted to wait, but he didn't. Maybe it's time to get married =). Good luck
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